I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
