U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
