I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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