y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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