i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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