you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
