i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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