If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
