that's an acceptable place to lick
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
