i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
