I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
