K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
