i already hear my dad disowning me
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
