I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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