bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
