SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
