If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
