She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
