Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
