I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Randomize
