I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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