Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
