Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
