So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
