I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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