I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
