So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
its not stalking. its research.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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