If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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