She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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