i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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