Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
