if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
