He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
