I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
