you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
