Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
