its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I just forgot I was standing up.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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