I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
