nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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