I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
