The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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