I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
