i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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