Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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