So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
