you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
