Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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