how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
