So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
