It's like a parade of train wrecks.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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