That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
