Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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