you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
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